Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Here's Johnny!!

There is a scene in "The Shining" where Jack chases Danny through a frozen maze. He's running from his once-warm father. That reminds me of my life. I run through my own confusing maze. My eating disorder chases me, trying to grab a hold of me. Daily it feels as though I'm growing weary, but my mental drive evokes my second wind. I think the longer I run, the more tired Ana grows. This week is proof. I've been going crazy, but I've been able to fight the urge to wave the white flag and just stop eating. I think I'm proud of myself.

Anyway, my speech professor said something last week that made me laugh, but I think it's rather accurate. She said, "Sometimes the glass is half-empty. Sometimes you just spill the whole damn thing." I think kids constantly bump the table. You know that whole definition of insanity? That's fits in with my next thought.

Ok, today I'm going to talk about kids. They have lost their DAMN minds. They come out of the womb and try to sit up before they're able. Then they want to cry when they tip over. They try to go from crawling to running, and that has like the same outcome. They try to feed themselves before they can even speak, and the bowl's empty and so are their stomachs. They want to cook before they can spell cook, and they touch a hot pot and need their boo-boo kissed.

It gets WORSE as they get older. They stay out late with the wrong crowd, and they get brought home in cop cars. They stay up too late and fall asleep in class the next day. They have sex before they're ready and end up pregnant.

Wise up, children. Your parents don't tell you things to harm you, they tell you to keep your dumb asses from getting hit by busses or catching on fire. It seems like you can't say anything to them nowadays. I remember someone was talking about why parents can't hit their kids nowadays. Because kids now have GUNS. What in the world?! I don't have any kids, but I feel as though I am young AND old enough right now to say that kids need ass whoopings from time to time. My future children will know not to mess with me. Curse at me, and you'll be screaming bloody REDRUM.

I remember once when I was like 16 I was getting smart with my mom as I was coming downstairs. Would you believe I fell down those steps while I was mouthing off?

Start showing respect for your parents, or else you might as well lie on train tracks and play chicken. What happens when a dog bites its owner? It gets put down. Why should kids be any different? Fluffy knows not to bite the hand that feeds her, what makes you different Jessica? You need to be put down or put out. That sounds fair.


All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. Well all play and no work will get Jack's butt kicked out of the house.

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