Wishing Death on Reality Shows

So I am SUCKED in to a couple of reality shows right now, and I scratch my head wondering what it is that keeps me watching. He are the top three that get under my skin:

I am currently into Running in Heels. They could not  have picked interns more dumb or more catty. They are so quick to turn on each other, and they can't handle criticism for their idiot mistakes. I really wonder how these people got internships. Did they do an interview? You can tell right off hand that they are mentally fresh out of first grade. 

Ashley is a big kid. I don't know anyone who can't focus on their work because they are jealous of what someone else is doing. I could never be friends with someone like her without pulling my hair out.

Talita? Idiot. That's all I have to say. She claims she wants to write, but she can't properly conduct an interview at a fashion show. "Whats' your favorite beauty accessory?" Who cares. If YOU sum up the average LA girl, then I could never insult my intelligence and go out there. With your non-paper trained dog. I don't blame the dog, though, I blame the incompetent owner.

Ok, and there's Samantha. She doesn't bug me as much. She's a little slow too, but she's letting everyone else's comments kinda roll of her back. Yeah, she left early Friday to see her boyfriend, but if the bosses don't care-then why should you care Ashley? Choke on a hot dog, really. 

Now onto the Real World. I'm watching that too, and that one's not that bad. BUT, I got a beef with Katelynn. You're getting used to your female body, so you wrap yourself around a pole? I'm offended by you. I had to get used to a woman's body too, but for me, it was puberty. I didn't start sluttin' it up. It scares me to think that is your image of a strong sexy woman. Getting used to your new role as a woman, you need to start trying to lift up women, and act like a lady. You snap your fingers and get attitude when you're told to clean up a mess. If you would clean it up in the first place, you'd save people a lot of breath.

For the Love of Ray J. Come on, man. Nobody wants you. You're short, and you can't sing. You were on a cancelled TV show as a teen, and you made a sex tape. You should not have been rewarded with a dating show. Then again, the only people who get them are washed up anyway. All the girls on there are rather strange-too much for comfort. 

Unique, you need to exercise your right to wear a bra. Chardonnay, go back to that pole you climbed off of. Feisty, you need a good detox. Danger. A face tattoo? Really? Who are you, Mike Tyson? Then again, it doesn't make you look any worse than you already do. You are a little scary. COCKtail. I had to caps the COCK in there. You're a gold-digging whore. Face it. 

What the Hell Were You Thinking?

I think John Legend took the words right outta my mouth.

Dear Editor:
I'm trying to understand what possible motivation you may have had for publishing that vile cartoon depicting the shooting of the chimpanzee that went crazy. I guess you thought it would be funny to suggest that whomever was responsible for writing the Economic Recovery legislation must have the intelligence and judgment of a deranged, violent chimpanzee, and should be shot to protect the larger community. Really? Did it occur to you that this suggestion would imply a connection between President Barack Obama and the deranged chimpanzee? Did it occur to you that our president has been receiving death threats since early in his candidacy? Did it occur to you that blacks have historically been compared to various apes as a way of racist insult and mockery? Did you intend to invoke these painful themes when you printed the cartoon?
If that's not what you intended, then it was stupid and willfully ignorant of you not to connect these easily connectable dots. If it is what you intended, then you obviously wanted to be grossly provocative, racist and offensive to the sensibilities of most reasonable Americans. Either way, you should not have printed this cartoon, and the fact that you did is truly reprehensible. I can't imagine what possible justification you have for this. I've read your lame statement in response to the outrage you provoked. Shame on you for dodging the real issue and then using the letter as an opportunity to attack Rev. Sharpton. This is not about Rev. Sharpton. It's about the cartoon being blatantly racist and offensive.
I believe in freedom of speech, and you have every right to print what you want. But freedom of speech still comes with responsibilities and consequences. You are responsible for printing this cartoon, and I hope you experience some real consequences for it. I'm personally boycotting your paper and won't do any interviews with any of your reporters, and I encourage all of my colleagues in the entertainment business to do so as well. I implore your advertisers to seriously reconsider their business relationships with you as well.
You should print an apology in your paper acknowledging that this cartoon was ignorant, offensive and racist and should not have been printed.
I'm well aware of our country's history of racism and violence, but I truly believe we are better than this filth. As we attempt to rise above our difficult past and look toward a better future, we don't need the New York Post to resurrect the images of Jim Crow to deride the new administration and put black folks in our place. Please feel free to criticize and honestly evaluate our new president, but do so without the incendiary images and rhetoric.
Sincerely,
John Legend

Generation Me

I feel as though I need to talk about old folks. I feel like after bashing young people yesterday I need to talk about the older set.

When I say old folks, I mean the people that are over 30 and have children. Last night my brother was complaining about Generation Me. It's "Me, me, me" with this up and coming generation. We have our hands out-constantly expecting them to be filled. He said when he was in school, he was happy to get a B on something, nowadays we fight our way to A's. I have one thing to say to that. Hell yes. I refuse to settle for less.

See I don't believe I deserve handouts of any sort. I believe in good old hard work-give-me, give-me, is not my motto. I will agree, though, that some do expect to be taken care of. But back to what I was saying-

Who sets these standards for us but our parents? Do they not realize that we undergo evolution, whether or not they know it. Think about sports. I'm sure at one time 60 seconds was a good 400 meter time, but people get better and faster over time. Times change, and people must also change. We must find something new to strive for. Plus it seems like anything less than perfect these days is irrelevant. I didn't set these rules, I just follow them. Parents do nothing but perpetuate the cycle that says almost doesn't count. You almost won. Well almost doesn't count Little Matthew. Any parent who says they don't pressure their children into greatness is lying.

My dad used to tell me that I had to be like my cousin Cicely. Cicely found herself a good man-she did everything the right way. She's educated, she knows how to talk to people. You should too. I love my cousin, and she is a great woman, but I think that parents should allow their children to carve out their own mold, not fit the perfect one before them.

Yesterday my professor accused me of trying to smooth talk my way through life when I'm actually sometimes DEAD wrong. That statement pissed me off, even though that's accurate. He wasn't saying it because he knew me. He has me in his class an hour and a half, twice a week. For mass communications-a class with no assignments, just a midterm and final. What could I possibly smooth talk my way through? He was trying to lump me together we those sorry excuses for students that he deals with daily. I have this philosophy: If you can get into something, then you can get out of it. That's when my smooth talking comes into play.

In conclusion, I'd like to thank competing mom cheerleading coaches fixing competitions, and dads fighting at peewee football games for us fighting our way to the top. Let's not forget about those go-getter moms who fight other women on Black Friday for toys for their children. Next time you point a finger at the younger generation, remember that lame cliche about how many are pointing back at you...

Here's Johnny!!

There is a scene in "The Shining" where Jack chases Danny through a frozen maze. He's running from his once-warm father. That reminds me of my life. I run through my own confusing maze. My eating disorder chases me, trying to grab a hold of me. Daily it feels as though I'm growing weary, but my mental drive evokes my second wind. I think the longer I run, the more tired Ana grows. This week is proof. I've been going crazy, but I've been able to fight the urge to wave the white flag and just stop eating. I think I'm proud of myself.

Anyway, my speech professor said something last week that made me laugh, but I think it's rather accurate. She said, "Sometimes the glass is half-empty. Sometimes you just spill the whole damn thing." I think kids constantly bump the table. You know that whole definition of insanity? That's fits in with my next thought.

Ok, today I'm going to talk about kids. They have lost their DAMN minds. They come out of the womb and try to sit up before they're able. Then they want to cry when they tip over. They try to go from crawling to running, and that has like the same outcome. They try to feed themselves before they can even speak, and the bowl's empty and so are their stomachs. They want to cook before they can spell cook, and they touch a hot pot and need their boo-boo kissed.

It gets WORSE as they get older. They stay out late with the wrong crowd, and they get brought home in cop cars. They stay up too late and fall asleep in class the next day. They have sex before they're ready and end up pregnant.

Wise up, children. Your parents don't tell you things to harm you, they tell you to keep your dumb asses from getting hit by busses or catching on fire. It seems like you can't say anything to them nowadays. I remember someone was talking about why parents can't hit their kids nowadays. Because kids now have GUNS. What in the world?! I don't have any kids, but I feel as though I am young AND old enough right now to say that kids need ass whoopings from time to time. My future children will know not to mess with me. Curse at me, and you'll be screaming bloody REDRUM.

I remember once when I was like 16 I was getting smart with my mom as I was coming downstairs. Would you believe I fell down those steps while I was mouthing off?

Start showing respect for your parents, or else you might as well lie on train tracks and play chicken. What happens when a dog bites its owner? It gets put down. Why should kids be any different? Fluffy knows not to bite the hand that feeds her, what makes you different Jessica? You need to be put down or put out. That sounds fair.

STOP PLAYING RUSSIAN ROULETTE WITH THE PEOPLE WHO ARE GOING TO BAIL YOUR DUMB ASS OUT WHEN YOU STEAL A CAR.

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. Well all play and no work will get Jack's butt kicked out of the house.